I Want Wednesday

I want VACATIONS!

I want to take Cohen to Disney Land

I want to ride the tea cups

I want to take him to Sea World

I want to go on a cruise

I want to go to Europe

I want to walk through AMAZING cathedrals

The Times They Are A'Changin!

So my loyal followers and stalkers that I know read my blog and have yet to show themselves (I know you're there...come out of the woods and make yourselves known with some comments or something and show some love!)...do you remember my little blog at the beginning of the year talking about my goals for the year?

Well Ladies and Gents things are back on track! I have started getting my ducks in a row and organizing my life and I couldn't be more pleased about it! I dedicated this year to bettering myself, and although I've already had a few speed bumps along the way I can proudly tell you that I haven't let them stop me. (BIG SHOUT OUT TO MISS BRITTANY-My BFF-Sister-Dearest Friend & Peanut Butter to my Jelly! Love you for always being so supportive, believing in me and keeping me on track. You're the full definition of the BESTEST!)

I met with a dear friend of mine last night that works at the school I'm wanting to attend and we got my shiznit in order! ha That's right it's in order! I have been approved for a pell grant (INSERT HAPPY DANCE) and will be starting school in September! WHOOP WHOOP! So here's to achieving goals and making a happy healthy life for me and my precious, handsome, sweet, love of my life little boy! (He's been spending time with his daddy and I'm missing him terribly if you can't tell haha)

On a side note...I'm excited for my weekend. I'm taking Mr. Handsome to see How To Train A Dragon movie in 3D tonight! And tomorrow my FU (favorite uncle...and yes I really do call him FU) will be stopping by the house to spend quality time with the kiddos. It will be packed with ice cream and toy model activities. Cohen I think will be very excited, considering I think my uncle has turned into one of Cohen's fav people. More stories than I can count that come out of my son's mouth involve my uncle in some way. They are usually made up and very funny...love his little imagination. Anyway I'm done for today...

So I will leave you with this song stuck in your head

My future's so bright I've got to wear shades....
(Insert more happy dance)

(oldie pic but you get the idea)

Absolute Two Favorites

For those that know me you know that I love music! I listen to everything! But when it comes to country music there are only two women that I follow religiously...

1. Reba McEntire

2. Miranda Lambert

Exactly in that order!

I have been fortunate enough to have seen Miranda play 3 different times (loved it every time) and hopefully will be adding a 4th event to the list in May. As for Reba...not yet but I can swear to you that I will see her play at least once in my life before she retires (which I hope isn't any time soon).

What started this little post was that I was listening to Reba's 50 Greatest Hits at work and wasn't sure which one I would name as my ABSOLUTE favorite song. Being that the woman has a ton of hits and ton of songs in general, it's a long list to go through to pick my ABSOLUTE favorite. But I narrowed it down to my top 12....Yeah I know that's a lot but like I said she has a long list of songs.

1. I'm A Survivor-If I could pick a theme song for my life this would be the one.

2. Fancy-This was the very first I ever remember loving. I'm not just talking about country music I'm talking about first song I remember loving out of everything.

3. Does He Love You-I can't tell you how many times Brittany and I have sung this song at the top of our lungs in the car together...

4. The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia

5. What Do You Say-This song always makes me think of my Aunt while she was dying of cancer in the hospital.

6. I'll Be

7. If You See Him, If You See Her

8. Consider Me Gone

9. When You Love Someone Like That

10. For My Broken Heart

11. Is There Life Out There

12. The Greatest Man I Never Knew


As for Miranda's songs...well we'll leave that for another post.

The Last Song

I just finished reading this book and let me just say that I wasn't sure I was going to like it. In the beginning of the book I really thought about putting it down and not finishing it, but I'm glad that I didn't. It took me getting over half way through it before it sucked me in, but when it did I couldn't put it down.

For those that don't know about the book here is the Barnes & Noble synopsis:

#1 bestselling author Nicholas Sparks's new novel is at once a compelling family drama and a heartrending tale of young love.


Seventeen year old Veronica "Ronnie" Miller's life was turned upside-down when her parents divorced and her father moved from New York City to Wilmington, North Carolina. Three years later, she remains angry and alienated from her parents, especially her father...until her mother decides it would be in everyone's best interest if she spent the summer in Wilmington with him. Ronnie's father, a former concert pianist and teacher, is living a quiet life in the beach town, immersed in creating a work of art that will become the centerpiece of a local church.


The tale that unfolds is an unforgettable story of love on many levels--first love, love between parents and children -- that demonstrates, as only a Nicholas Sparks novel can, the many ways that love can break our hearts...and heal them.

**For those that don't want a spoiler, STOP READING HERE!**

What really pulled me into the book was when you figure out that Ronnie's father is dying. She spent three years of her life not talking to him and then was forced to spend a summer with him. She started the summer angry at him, grew to appreciate him and then by the end loving him again and wishing she could take back the three years lost. Although I have never spent three years not talking to my dad, I related to the father daughter bond and the pain of realizing your parents aren't invincible and won't be around forever.

Last year after my dad's back surgery was the first time I realized that my daddy wouldn't be around forever to always fix the things I needed him to. Saying "Daddy fix it" wasn't always going to be something I would be able to say. This realization hit me incredibly hard! My daddy (I say daddy because he lives up to that title in every way) has always taken care of me. He was the dad that a lot of my friends envied. He was always the one to start my car in the mornings if it was cold outside so I wouldn't have to warm it up myself, check everything on my car to make sure things were running smoothly, check roads for me during bad weather so I would know even before getting up in the morning whether it was safe for me to drive to work or even little things like midnight runs to walmart if I was sick. He's always gone above and beyond for me.

So when reality hit me that my daddy wasn't always going to be the daddy I had grown up knowing and loving, it broke my heart. To realize he wasn't always going to be able to do the things I had grown accustomed to him doing literally killed me. Not because I was too lazy and didn't/ couldn't do these things for myself, but because knowing that he couldn't do them I knew would kill him. He's a man that prides himself on being able to take care of his family and never leaving us wanting or needing something. Watching him grow older and slowly have things like changing my oil on my car be taken away from him, is a painful thing to watch. I know it sounds stupid but you can truly see the pain in his eyes when he can't do these things.

Thus the reason I started having him teach me to do them myself. Although it's still hard to watch him when I know he's upset that he can't do these things for me, there's also a different look when he's teaching me. I know my father would rather be the one to change my oil and fix my car, but I think he also enjoys watching and teaching me to do it on my own. I cherish these moments and dread the day when he's no longer there to teach me.

Is it a crime to only have one child?

Last night I went out to dinner with one of my BEST friends, and just like every time we get together we started talking about our lives but mainly our children. Amanda is the mother of two healthy beautiful little boys. Her oldest son is just a little older than Cohen, and her youngest is only about 2 months old. During our conversation I told her that I've decided that I want Cohen to be my only child. Being that Amanda and I almost always understand and agree with one another, she didn't look at me with shock/disgust/confusion on her face like most people do when I say this. She understood my reasoning's and did not immediately look at me like I was a bad mother for only wanting one.

So why is it that others look at me that way? I love my son with everything I have and he is my ABSOLUTE world, so is it really that wrong of me to only want him?

Growing up I knew that I always wanted to be a mom and I always said that I only wanted two children. Preferably a boy and girl. I never wanted to be that family of 10 kids and one on the way. Now I don't look down on those that do (unless they are not the ones doing the parenting and not taking care of their children...that really gets under my skin) and for some people that is their dream. I on the other hand wanted a much smaller dream, and now that I have a child of my own my dreams have changed. Is it really right of people to question my love for my son or label me as selfish?

I don't come from a blended family of step parents and step siblings. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and my brother and I are full blood siblings, so naturally that's the life I dreamed of. That dream however, is not what I got. I accidentally became pregnant with my son and I was not in love with his father. Even though it breaks my heart that I gave my son such rocky foundation, I still stand by every decision I've made for him. I stand by the fact that I chose to keep him and not go with abortion or adoption, because I knew I would regret it and although things weren't perfect he was still my son and I WANTED him. I stand by the fact that I chose not to be with his father, because I wanted to hold out for real love that my son could grow up and admire. I wanted him to know what love was and I knew that if I stayed or married his father his life would be full of pain and constant fighting. I WANTED better for him! I made these choices and I stand by every one of them. Yes, I gave my son a rocky start but I have spent every day since making it up to him and giving him the best life I possibly can. He may not have his parents together but he has a happy life. He has two parents that love him unconditionally and have learned to be friends.

I have my reasons for Cohen being an only child and I fully believe they are justifiable.

Reason 1. Yes technically I have only one child, but there are three children in my life. I have a niece and nephew that I see every other weekend, and I love them as if they were my own. They have parents and I'm not trying to replace them, but I do consider myself to be a big part of their life and believe it's important for me to be a good role model for them. I love and worry over them and their future just as much as I do my own son. If something were to happen to their parents, you could put money down on the fact that I would be the first to step up for them without any hesitation. So because Cohen and I are so close with my niece and nephew, I don't feel like either of us missing out by not adding more to the family. He is extremely close to his cousins, so much so that I don't feel like he is missing out on sibling like experiences. As for me, I go to their soccer games and pageants. I'm one of the first to cheer them on in the things they do and I LOVE being their aunt! I brag about them just as much as I do Cohen. So my life is not missing the feeling of having multiple children that I can love and be proud of.

Reason 2. It is very likely that if I get married I will probably marry someone who already has children and this is not an issue for me. I enjoy children and there is not a doubt in my mind that I couldn't love more than the three I already do. With that being said, it is a given that I will be financially helping to support multiple children. I want the children in my life to have the things they want/need and it not be a struggle.

Reason 3. Unfortunately these days most people do not stay together for 30 years anymore. Most people find it too easy to just get divorced. As I've mentioned before in previous posts, I don't want to ever be divorced. When I decide to marry someone I want it to be a one time thing, but I'm terrified that although I can marry someone who tells me they want the same thing I could still find out later that it's not the truth. So to marry someone who will probably already have children, have a child with that man and then turn around and get divorced is pain and guilt I wouldn't be able to handle. It's hard enough to share one child in different homes, let alone having to share two children in two DIFFERENT homes. Not to mention I would have to add in the pain of not being able to see the step children I would so naturally become attached to.

I am content with the children currently in my life, and more than happy to accept and love any future ones that may come along. So why do people want to think negatively about me only having one, when all I want is the best for my family and future family?

Love...where do you stand on it?

Growing up I don't remember a time when I wasn't told that I was loved. I come from a family that has a rule of you don't walk out the door without saying it. It doesn't matter if you are screaming and mad at the person, you don't leave without saying I love you. This way should anything happen you know without a doubt the last words said were "I love you". So knowing I was loved by my family was never an issue. I knew then and I know now without a doubt that I am loved.

It's when the opposite sex started saying it to me that love became complicated.

The first time I was ever told that I was loved by a boy was in first grade, and really it wasn't just a boy it was THREE of them. They all ran up to me at once on the playground, each told me they loved me and that I needed to pick who was going to be my boyfriend. Being that I was a first grader and didn't really understand the whole thing, I simply said that I didn't have to choose and that all three could be my boyfriend.....Yes, I know it's not cool to have three at a time but what did I know...I was only in the first grade! I know that this doesn't count as the real thing, but if you want to get technical it was the first time.

The first time I was ever told "I love you" and think that it actually meant something was when I was in the middle school seeing a guy in high school. He was a Junior and far more advanced than I, but at the time I was convinced he was it! He told me he loved me and that he was going to marry me. Being young, I don't know that I fully understood everything. It was my FIRST real relationship after all. We dated for about 2 years off and on. I say off and on but we really only broke up twice during that time frame. The first time because he had begun to tease me about my weight, which lead to me starving myself to fit his criteria. That break up was the only time I think I've ever really come close to breaking someones heart. I say come close because I just don't believe I've ever meant that much to someone. I don't believe that I've ever been that important in someones life where they couldn't possibly imagine life without me.

The second time melted my heart in ways you wouldn't even imagine! Guy #2 was a forbidden boy by my parents. He was just as old as guy number one, but my mother saw what kind of guy he was and knew he was only going to get me into trouble or break my heart. She was right...he broke my heart. He painted a pretty little picture of our love being like Romeo and Juliet. That little picture actually started when I had decided to dress up as Juliet for Halloween and go out with my friends. Guy #2 found out about this and hunted me down in town. When he found me he was wearing a shirt with Romeo written across his chest and a single red rose. Like all guys he promised me the world and vowed that when I turned 18 no one would be able to stop us from being together. After three years of sneaking around, my mom grew tired of fighting me on the subject and finally gave us the ok to see each other. When I brought this news to guy #2 he simply looked at me and asked if I could wait two more weeks because he was dating a foreign exchange student that would be gone by then....OUCH...#1 I wasn't aware he had been seeing anyone else and #2 I had waited 3 years only to be told I should wait 2 more weeks by someone who supposedly loved me?!? Nope...sorry I wasn't going to wait. It was the slap in the face that I needed to realize everything had been a lie and that he never meant anything that he had said to me.

Guy #3 was probably one of the healthiest relationships I've had and even it had major issues. It lasted for a a little over 3 years. There was a little talk of marriage here and there but not a lot. Even so I still believed we would get married. Looking back on it now I should have known it would never happen and I should have known he was the "Bachelor" type. The one clue that really should have woke me up was when he purchased his first house. He hunted for the perfect house, showed me a few here and there and asked what I thought of them. He listened but it was apparent that he didn't really care. It was his step-dad that asked what I thought and told me that I would be living there some day too and that I needed to voice all concerns. When the step-dad is telling you this and not your boyfriend, you should probably take that as a sign that you in fact would never be living in that house. Genius me though, I didn't take it as a sign. Even after he moved in and gave me the speech that "it was his house and that I shouldn't start moving things in or bring things to keep there" I still didn't see the big picture. I believe a part of guy #3 did love me and still loves me to this day (we have remained good friends), but he was never in love with me.

Guy #4 happens to be the father of my wonderful little boy. There is not much to say about guy #4. It was an extremely short relationship, an accidental pregnancy and a LOT of fighting. We didn't work as a couple then and definitely wouldn't work as a couple now, but I can say we have found a way to be friends for little man's sake.

Guy #5 is the last on the list. This relationship was doomed from the start. Both of us brought our own issues to the table and I'm not real sure the other knew exactly how to handle them. Add all of our issues together and throw into the mix that it was a long distance relationship you're going to get a disaster. So many things went wrong in this relationship and it should have ended sooner than it did, but I'm an idiot some times and either a glutton for punishment or don't know when to quit. Things didn't end in the prettiest of ways and the whole thing was extremely hard for me.

So here I am...a 24 year old single mother of a soon to be 3 year old son. Has my love life been perfect and a fairytale?...Obviously not...but I wouldn't change it for the world. Each relationship taught me something and has helped shape me into the person I am today. Whether the person I am today is a good thing or bad...well the jury is still out on that one. I've learned different lessons in life that have made my next relationships better, but I'm also afraid that they've harmed future ones as well.

I no longer believe that everyone has a soul mate in this world. I believe people get lucky and find someone that share their views on life and some are even more lucky and find someone who shares the same views and will work with them to keep the relationship going. Having a relationship is a full time job! It takes work and dedication and I feel that so many people today believe that they should just have things handed to them on a nice little platter. That once they get married their fairytale is just supposed to happen. Sorry people it doesn't work that way! You don't just fall in love with someone and get to live happily ever after. You fall in love with someone and spend the rest of your life showing that person you are and working through your problems. As I've mentioned before I know that in some cases for people divorce is a must, but so many people today just give up over stupid things and never learn how to work through a problem.

So with that being said will I be one of the lucky few to find someone who shares my views and wants to actually work for our relationship?....Only time will tell.

The Randomness of Me

So since my last post was about the bachelor I will start this off by saying that I wasn't happy with Jake's final pick and I wasn't happy about the next Bachelorette. I would have been happy if he had sent both of them packing! And Ali as the next Bachelorette....well we all know how I feel about her.

Moving on....This past weekend was soooo good! Saturday I got a chance to meet up with an old childhood friend and her three boys. Well actually it was quite a few more people than that. The original plan included Cohen and myself with Michaela and her boys, but then quickly turned into a circus. The park play date included Cohen, myself, Michaela, her boyfriend, her three boys, my brother, his girlfriend, her son my niece, my nephew and my mother. Like I said circus! I loved the day and it ended up turning out great, but I was constantly thinking that I had lost a child somewhere in all of the madness and was continuously counting heads. There is a reason God has blessed me with only one child and didn't feel I should be a preschool teacher or work at a daycare! Ha I love kids and I think I'm pretty good with them, I'm just to paranoid to have a ton of them. Anyway it was so good to see Michaela and I didn't realize how much I had missed our friendship! This is a girl that practically lived with me and my family for 2 to 3 years, so she's definitely a big part of my past and will hopefully continue to be a big part of my future.

As you get older you start to realize who your true friends are and what is most important in life. I feel extremely lucky to be able to say that I have quite a few close friends and a handful of BEST friends. There are certain women in my life that I wouldn't trade for the world and couldn't imagine life without them. They have all played very specific roles in my life and have all helped me become the person I am today in one way or another. The funny thing is that they all are so vastly different, and I love them all for very different reasons.....I'm rambling though so I'll get back to talking about my weekend.

After the park and a trip to McDonald's for all of the kids I went home for a few hours and got Cohen ready for bed. My parents are awesome and kept an eye on Cohen for me so I could go out to meet Michaela again for some real mommy time. It was so nice to sit with her and laugh about the past and the stupid things we did as children. Then to discuss how different our lives were now that we were mommy's. After a long night of reminiscing, I finally decided to call it a night so I could get some sleep before Brittany's big day of engagement pictures!

I helped her get ready and acted as assistant for her during the shoot. I think the pictures turned out great and can't wait to see the rest. Here are a few so you can see what I'm talking about...







Freaking ADORABLE right?!? Good job Maria at RiaLin Photography!

Oh and just an update on my New Year's resolutions...I finally got my 30 Day Shred DVD in the mail and started it last night. My body hurts today...but no pain no gain so I will push through this. Also I've started the dating process...we'll see where this goes.